I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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