All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize