Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
