these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
