Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
