i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
