i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
