in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
