i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
