Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
