sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
