I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize