I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was confusing and full of hummus
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
