Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
