just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
