he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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