M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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