I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
