Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
