wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
