Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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