he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
