she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
