do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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