you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
