I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was confusing and full of hummus
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
