Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
