Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
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