Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
