I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
