i think i have herpe
just one?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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