Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
