You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
