We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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