I just gift wrapped bread.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
