I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
