We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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