some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
