so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
