so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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