i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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