A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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