I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
