I'm jealous of your bromance
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
