Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize