I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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