No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
