I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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