I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
