I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
