I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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