if only i could text you this smell
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
