I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He better not be in your backpack
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
