You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
