it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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