Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
