i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
