That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
