i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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