Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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