On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize