there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
