I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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