allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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