....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
