you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
