I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
