Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
