You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
