Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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