True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
