respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
