I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
