Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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