dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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