And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
